It’s our pandemic-versary. here’s a vibe check.
Anyone else feel really weird right now? Anyone? Not just me. Okay, cool.
I think there has just been this weird energy and start to 2021. I kind of was expecting it. It didn't take me completely by surprise. But I feel like there's been just a collective exhaustion, which we've been feeling since the pandemic started almost a year ago. But it's been coming and going in waves, right? It's the anniversary of existing in this new pandemic world, and all the changes that are happening, and all of the confusion, I think that has made this time, especially heavy.
Want to listen to the podcast episode? Click here to tune in to Episode 75 of It’s a Slate of Mind.
I wanted to share a quote that I've been seeing floating around on Instagram. It really just encapsulates everything that I'm trying to say with this, and how so many of us are feeling right now. This is a quote written originally by Donna Ashworth.
“You're not imagining it, nobody seems to want to talk right now. messages are brief. And replies late. Talk of catch ups on zoom are perpetually put on hold. group chats are no longer pinging all night long. It's not you, it's everyone. We are spent, we have nothing left to say, We are tired of saying I miss you. And I can't wait for this to end. So we mostly say nothing. Put our heads down and get through each day. You're not imagining it. This is a state of being like no other we have ever known. Because we are all going through it together. But so very far apart. Hang in there, my friend. When the mood strikes, send out all those messages. And don't feel you have to apologize for being quiet. This is hard. No one is judging. “
She does a beautiful job of describing exactly how we are all feeling. And so thank you to her for putting that out into the world. I know that every time I see someone share that I feel seen and I feel like we are all connected in that feeling. But it can feel so isolating. experiencing it seemingly alone. That is how I've been feeling for the past several months and and also last year as well. And it's a weird thing, right?
We care about everyone and we miss everyone's so much. But we're also tired. We're exhausted. We've been saying the same things over and over, “I can't wait to see you soon. I can't wait to get together soon. I can't wait…” We’ve been saying these things for a year now. And so saying it, at least to me, sometimes feels a little futile.
On the other hand, I’ve noticed that my tolerance, or my threshold for the amount of interaction that I can have these days has definitely gone down. So even if my best friends are texting me, I'm slow responding to them, or I'm slow to think about wanting to text or chat or Zoom or any of those things. I have definitely experienced that guilt of being like, “Man, I'm the worst for not responding faster”. So it's something that I'm working on, and probably a lot of you are working on too. Releasing ourselves from that guilt, and from that pressure, due to the exhaustion that we're all experiencing.
I think it's really important that we talk about these things, and that we acknowledge that we're feeling it. Especially as actors who must use our minds, and our hearts, and our bodies, and our thoughts, and our energy to do our work well. This experience can really impact not only how we're feeling about our careers, but also how we're performing. We’re battling those varying levels of motivation to do the work or to go to class, and having certain blockages and struggles that will appear in auditions that maybe weren't there before. If you're feeling any or all of those things, know that that's totally normal. Don't beat yourself up about it. It is a symptom of that collective exhaustion that we are all feeling. And it makes perfect sense that it will bleed over into your work as an actor, unless you are actively combating it.
is everyone hanging out without me?
***Huge disclaimer: In the following section I am not saying anyone is right or wrong, or making better choices than others in this section, nor am I implying that anyone make specific changes to their personal health or life plans regarding the pandemic.
We're in a weird gray area, right now. Some people are getting vaccinated, some people are loosening their quarantine rules.We are all kind of in this weird in between,
“Who's hanging out right now who's not hanging out right now?”
“Who is in strict quarantine?”
“Which of my friends are off the grid in lock down due to a booking?”
“Are my fully vaccinated friends back to living their normal lives?”
These are these weird times and highs and lows and ebbs and flows. And I think those little voices and those little insecurities that our head can can poke through and peek through. If you're feeling those things, too, you are not alone. But you also do not have to stay feeling sunk or sinking in that feeling. That is the meat of what we're going to talk about today. I'm going to share a few things that I have been doing lately, when I noticed that I'm feeling that exhaustion and feeling weird about a lot of these things that have been going on. I want to, as an artist, still be able to show up as my best self and create and perform and give my very best in every audition and opportunity that I'm given, despite the fact that I'm feeling the things I'm feeling. That’s right, I said despite the fact. I know that I'm going to be feeling these things. I know that there's no quick fix solution to these feelings.
However, I've been experimenting and working out a few different processes that have helped me be able to show up and create and perform, even alongside those feelings that we're experiencing. As always, a lot of this inner and mental work is individual. Some things that I might suggest could be a right fit for you and others may not. You always need to trust your own gut about what's going to work best for you.
leaning into my intuition
This is something that I've been working on very intently for about five years now. It is a big part of my art. It is a big part of my life. It is a big part of my relationships.
I will never ever be able to articulate it as eloquently as many others, particularly Glennon Doyle, in her book Untamed. She talks a lot about the idea of trusting your intuition and not abandoning herself. Essentially, when there's so much chaos around you and things are changing rapidly, we can sometimes feel a lot of extreme emotions that might be clouding our judgment. It’s helpful to go inward and get in touch with our truest self that is not being affected by all the outside chaos. Then we can figure out what we really need in that moment. What is the next right step for me?
Personally, I try to get quiet, and block out all the other things that are trying to grab my attention and instead sink into my intuition. I believe that we typically already know the next right step for us. It's just sometimes can take us longer to get there if we are getting distracted by all that chaos, and all those opinions, and all the other things that are flying around. Which is totally understandable. We have a busy chaotic world, there's a lot going on, and a lot of people who want to tell us what to do. Some with good intentions, some with bad intentions. But I always feel better when I resist the urge to fall into that. For me that's meditation. But for you, maybe it's a walk outside, maybe it's exercise, maybe it's yoga, maybe it's just sitting in the bathroom or in your closet with the door closed. And some some nice, quiet time away from everything could look a lot of different ways. But I tried to just get quiet, block out all the other chaos and sink in and really asked myself, “What I want, what do I need? What's the next right step for me?”
focusing on my health
I've realized that at certain times, across the past year, I've fallen in and out of sticking to my health plan. I operate much better when I'm eating food that makes my body happy and feel clear and feel strong. When I am sticking to my meditation and my yoga schedule, when I'm moving my body frequently, that helps me feel better, keeps the energy moving in my body. It helps flush out all the bad toxins that I've built up from just being a human being. And it allows me to have that clarity to feel really good and strong. I know that when I'm eating right, keeping my body and my energy moving, I typically struggle less with finding motivation.
staying in my own lane
This is good for all the time (beyond the pandemic), but I find it to be a helpful reminder on days when I might be getting any of those anxious or paranoid thoughts about the pandemic or my social life or my career. I try my best to remind myself of what I DO have and how thankful I am. Sometimes I’ll make a gratitude list. We have so much to be thankful for in this life. We have a lot that we're working towards. And all of our loved ones are just a phone call away. I try to remind myself get grounded in the present moment, remind myself of what is real, what is true, and remember to stay in that lane, stay in that groundedness.
control what you can control
I have been focusing on the craft and my career. In the moments when I am feeling the chaos and feeling the exhaustion, I just go back to my priority list. Number one, for me is my health and my key important relationships in life. Number two, is my career and my goals, to be an actor, and to create the empire that I have always dreamed of. Right? So I'm committed to staying solid in those priorities, and making sure that I'm not straying from that. I find that when I'm working and making progress on my craft, and on my career, I also get an extra burst of creativity, and motivation and excitement. Because those are things I can control. I can control what I'm learning and how I'm growing.
letting go
What have you been holding on to lately?
Your breath?
Expectations that we built for ourselves?
An imaginary deadline?
A milestone that you have no control over?
Hardly ever are those expectations we have built on facts, right? A lot of times, that's our wishful thinking, that then creates an expectation, that then gets our hopes up. And then we kind of go on that emotional roller coaster when it doesn't work out. So for me, it's letting go of the breath, letting go of those expectations that I've created on not reality, and letting go of the idea that I need to be a certain way, or act a certain way, or show up in a certain way right now, right?
I've changed a lot of things about my personal marketing, and my businesses that I'm running in this year, to make sure that I'm always staying in alignment. Because I know for a fact that the way that my brain is working, and my heart is working, and my energy levels are all different than before the pandemic. So I must adapt along with it and let go of those expectations I had for myself from before the pandemic. Because those expectations and those standards that I had before, don't apply anymore, and that's okay. Then I can make actual progress from where I am now.
It’s also important to acknowledge that some of my priorities have shifted in the past year. And that's okay, too. So making sure that I'm working on projects and keeping my focus on things that are in true alignment with where I am now, and where I'm going. And that has been a game changer for me.
What are some of the things that you've noticed have been helping you as well as you've been moving through these feelings?
Click here to tune in to Episode 75 of It’s a Slate of Mind.
Head on over to Instagram @itsaslateofmind or my personal profile @Alison_Haselden. I'd love to chat with you about this topic and hear about what's been working for you.
In a really beautiful and kind of somber way, we are all connected by these feelings. We're all connected even though we are apart.
